HOW CAN I GET OUT OF MY HEAD AND INCREASE MY SENSUALITY?31/03/16
Hello from the Scottish Highlands,
I’m writing this post on a train travelling from the Highlands of Scotland back to London from the Findhorn Foundation. I love travelling by train: staring out of the window, taking in the powerful landscapes that flash by from mountains to sea and the dramatic sky. Long train journeys are perfect for reading, dreaming and processing. I’ve just spotted a faint rainbow against the moody indigo clouds. I’m wrapped up in my family tartan scarf reflecting on my time at Findhorn. I visited the foundation for the first time to attend a wonderful 3 day course called ‘Transformation and the Ennneagram’ run by one of my spiritual mentor’s Robert Holden. Before coming to Findhorn, I had a some reservations (coupled with excitement): would everyone be irritatingly tuned out of so-called real life? Had I made the right decision coming here? Would I be expected to survive solely on lentils? Would I be run out of the community for wearing my leather jacket?
Findhorn is a beautiful place and my reservations were swiftly dismissed. I was happily surprised by how progressive the community is in terms of conservation, creating benefits for the wider community and how connected and awake everyone is at the Foundation. Findhorn didn’t feel like a place where people go to escape, more like a place to recharge, plug in to uplifting energy and then take that goodness back out into the world at large. It was heavenly for me to walk on the beach each morning, reminding me of the wild tussock covered sand dunes of the beaches back home in New Zealand.
This post considers a question I was asked during a tea break by a fellow participant on Robert’s course:
Q: How can increase my sensuality? I work a corporate job, very long hours and I’m in my head so much. How can I reconnect with my body and femininity*?
Here’s what I shared:
- For creating connection between body, heart and mind, I’m a fan of self massage as taught by my body love mentor Betsy Blankenbaker. Start with your left hand tracing your fingers over the top of your right hand as lightly as feels good. Turn your right hand over and trace the palm. Now continue up your arm, over your collar bone, over your face, neck, breasts, torso, legs – anywhere you can reach. Stay as present as possible to the sensations your body is feeling. Notice the connectedness within yourself. If you enjoy self massage, try it as you wake up and/ or go to sleep. Have to look at this post too.
- When women speak to me about feeling out of touch with their sensuality, it is common that there is a feeling of tension in the body. Where do you hold tension in your body and how can you bring in some softness? I hold tension in my jaw and I’m conscious of ways I can relax this tension throughout the day. Soften, soften, soften.
- I’ve also found when people feel that sensuality is lacking in their being, there has been an absence of vitality, fun and spontaneity in their lives. There is a sense of brittleness, rigidness and routine for routine’s sake. Can you spare 5 minutes to do something silly and unplanned? A quick way to connect with your body is put on some music and DANCE. I suggest moving in ways that feel good, don’t concern yourself with what looks good. Dance for yourself, not for the mirror. If you are in need of inspiration for songs to move to, check out my sexy playlist.
- It’s really important when in the process of inner work (or, you know, LIFE) to remain curious and not berate ourselves for anything we are going through. Met what’s coming up, work through it and bring compassion to any shame that is rising up in the process. Becoming fixated on the shame will not only will it drain the joy out of the work, it leads to attempting to fix the ego rather than speaking with the soul.
In insight that struck me during Robert’s course: maybe it’s not about “getting out of the head”, maybe it’s about harmonising our IQ (head) with our emotional intelligence (heart) and our physical intelligence (body) so the head isn’t working so hard it burns out.
*I generally find when people use the term ‘femininity’ in terms of energy they are conveying an image of softness, receptivity, beauty, depth, love and the ability to nurture. This energy exists in both men and women, alongside masculine energy. I’m currently taking a course called ‘Liberating the Goddesses Within You’ run by Jungian analyst Jean Shinoda Bolen that deeply explores the gamut of feminine qualities through the archetypes of Greek goddesses. I am particularly interested in the concept of divine masculinity and divine femininity and how (if at all) these ideas are reconciled with the archetypes of the independent goddesses Artemis and Athena that symbolise some traditionally perceived ‘masculine’ traits. I look forward to sharing more on these ideas in future posts.
If you’re looking for a safe space to dip your toe into the waters of sensuality and pleasure, join me and a glitter of goddesses (my collective noun term for a group of goddesses) at ‘Every Woman is a Goddess’ in London on the 10th of April. There is a special ticket if you would like to bring a girlfriend with you. Click here to purchase your tickets.
P.S The conversation that inspired this post was due to one of many magical signs that happened at Findhorn. I had been grappling with questions around my ‘Every Woman is a Goddess’ classes and my writing, concerned that my work might be seen as too fluffy. On my second day at Findhorn, I went for a long walk through the forest, the dunes and the beach and decided that I could make peace with any judgement I received about my work – from myself and others. Two states can exist at once: it’s a case of “AND” instead of “OR”. Later that day, I was asked the question I’ve just written about. The real magic? I had briefly, mentioned to my coursemates during an Enneagram session I was involved in the performing arts. No mention of burlesque, goddesses or sensual healing. This beautiful woman spoke to me from her soul and brought me some insight. Pretty magic, right?
Image credits: painting above ‘Wings of the Morning’ by Edward Robert Hughes. Image of Findhorn Bay by moi.